Ephemeral Chimeras

Ask me anythingWhut?Archive

932

luckyshirt: Dear people who like Neapolitan ice cream: You like horrible things. Neapolitan is for taste whores who spread the flavor love around like your mom spreads an email about recalled baby food. Among other things. Pick an ice cream already, sugar sluts. I wouldn’t wish this shit on Hitler. Because I care. Do I seem like a guy that would be totally cool with showing up at your little party and clapping and singing about your goddamned birthday while there is a big tub of “I HATE MY FRIENDS” ice cream next to the cake?  If you don’t respect me enough to at least give me options that AREN’T TOUCHING EACH OTHER, then walk away and don’t look back unless you want to see my back because I started walking away first. Or hey, why don’t you come over for pizza and boiled rat? Oh I put the boiled rats ON THE PIZZA because it’s just easier for me to do it that way. Just take them off if you don’t like them. HERE IS A NEW CAR BUT IT’S FULL OF DEAD HOOKERS I HOPE YOU LIKE DEAD HOOKERS. I think “New Car Full of Dead Hookers” should be the Ben and Jerry’s name for this ice crap. BUT HEY A LOT OF FOODS HAVE OTHER TOUCHING FOODS LIKE NACHOS RIGHT? How much absinthe did you snort this morning? To preserve this nacho analogy, you would have to be the kind of mutant who would open a tub of Neapolitan and drag your spoon ACROSS THE FLAVOR SPECTRUM OH MY GOD before taking a bite. I don’t even think Neapolitan Bonaparte HIMSELF would have in his darkest maniacal fever dreams imagined that his invention would be abused like this. If you want to pretend to be so open minded that you like all three flavors, and hope every team wins the Super Bowl, and Jesus and Satan and science ALL COME OUT AHEAD on Judgement Day, you go right ahead and lie to yourself and all of creation. But DO NOT corrupt the world in which I have to raise my children by releasing into it the idea that it’s not only legal but SOMEHOW OKAY TO TAKE A BIG FUCKING BITE OF CHONILLABERRY ICE CREAM. I just threw up a little in your mouth as I typed that. BUT I DOUBT YOU NOTICED. Rants of angry anti-sugar sluts > Midterm studying

luckyshirt:

Dear people who like Neapolitan ice cream:

You like horrible things.

Neapolitan is for taste whores who spread the flavor love around like your mom spreads an email about recalled baby food. Among other things. Pick an ice cream already, sugar sluts.

I wouldn’t wish this shit on Hitler. Because I care. Do I seem like a guy that would be totally cool with showing up at your little party and clapping and singing about your goddamned birthday while there is a big tub of “I HATE MY FRIENDS” ice cream next to the cake? 

If you don’t respect me enough to at least give me options that AREN’T TOUCHING EACH OTHER, then walk away and don’t look back unless you want to see my back because I started walking away first.

Or hey, why don’t you come over for pizza and boiled rat? Oh I put the boiled rats ON THE PIZZA because it’s just easier for me to do it that way. Just take them off if you don’t like them.

HERE IS A NEW CAR BUT IT’S FULL OF DEAD HOOKERS I HOPE YOU LIKE DEAD HOOKERS.

I think “New Car Full of Dead Hookers” should be the Ben and Jerry’s name for this ice crap.

BUT HEY A LOT OF FOODS HAVE OTHER TOUCHING FOODS LIKE NACHOS RIGHT?

How much absinthe did you snort this morning? To preserve this nacho analogy, you would have to be the kind of mutant who would open a tub of Neapolitan and drag your spoon ACROSS THE FLAVOR SPECTRUM OH MY GOD before taking a bite. I don’t even think Neapolitan Bonaparte HIMSELF would have in his darkest maniacal fever dreams imagined that his invention would be abused like this.

If you want to pretend to be so open minded that you like all three flavors, and hope every team wins the Super Bowl, and Jesus and Satan and science ALL COME OUT AHEAD on Judgement Day, you go right ahead and lie to yourself and all of creation.

But DO NOT corrupt the world in which I have to raise my children by releasing into it the idea that it’s not only legal but SOMEHOW OKAY TO TAKE A BIG FUCKING BITE OF CHONILLABERRY ICE CREAM.

I just threw up a little in your mouth as I typed that. BUT I DOUBT YOU NOTICED.

Rants of angry anti-sugar sluts > Midterm studying

932 notes

  1. watch-horror-movies-online reblogged this from luckyshirt
  2. ashien-dean reblogged this from luckyshirt
  3. duckyskade reblogged this from cardiacparade
  4. minorfall reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    Every time I’m having...read this. Because...most amazing...
  5. tessaonthebrightside reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    So goddamn hilarious.
  6. jabisrad reblogged this from luckyshirt
  7. senordarcy reblogged this from sammylafrance
  8. sammylafrance reblogged this from luckyshirt
  9. thereisawaytobegoodagain reblogged this from wandering-on
  10. madchen-the-bad-ass reblogged this from dontwantitjustneedit
  11. galapagos-monster reblogged this from luckyshirt
  12. chelstan reblogged this from sanctify
  13. thischangesregularly reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    angry anti-sugar sluts > Midterm studying
  14. rezrabbit reblogged this from seerofnight
  15. seerofnight reblogged this from steeldragondown and added:
    Fuck you I like scooping out different...flavors and enjoying my luscious spoonful
  16. louie-legs reblogged this from usb-dongle
  17. steeldragondown reblogged this from usb-dongle and added:
    My main beef with neopolitan ice cream is that the strawberry doesn’t mesh as well with the other flavors. I can totally...
  18. cakesize reblogged this from glitzkrieg and added:
    i like neopolitan ice cream
  19. equilaterat reblogged this from profligatekaizer
  20. kittens-eating-rainbow-cupcakes reblogged this from glitzkrieg
  21. profligatekaizer reblogged this from glitzkrieg
  22. harlequinqueen reblogged this from usb-dongle and added:
    Its just icecream. o.O [I normally actually dont eat the vanilla icecream in these.]